Last night was one of those nights. I’d been simmering all day and was so glad when Pastor JT called and said he had arranged a sitter and we were going out. I wasn’t angry or ready to fight, I just had some things I needed to get off my chest and there could be a good chance tears would follow. You know, one of those nights.
So, Pastor JT gets home and we piddle around, not really talking, not mad, but aware that there are things to be discussed while we wait to leave. The time rolls around for Monkey to go to bed and our sweet sitters (married couple) show up and hang with the big girls for awhile.
Everyone is tucked safe inside the house and we head out.
You see, in a marriage, if you’re not continually deliberate with communication it can break down. Slowly, over a period of weeks or months, things can get left unsaid, heart-moments are passed by, and the marriage isn’t “connecting.”
This is where we were last night. No big problems. No major events. It’s just our connection needed to be plugged back in, and that meant a “talking” date night. No movie (which we both love) just talking.
So, he asked me to start sharing…and I did….but it was more like the “You always…” and “You never…” instead of, “Honey, let me tell you what’s going on with me.”
Well, that didn’t go well. He got defensive and I got tearful, okay weepy, and a I decided to take good look out the passenger window for a good ten minutes. Yeah, that’ll show him. *sniff, snort, snot, sniff*
Let me just say this: Pastor JT and I are not yellers. We never have been and so a “fight” for us is just tense talking. As so it was.
The next thing said was, “What do you want to drink?” Starbucks saves the day!
And then a miracle happened. THE event that turned the whole night around…he drove through Arby’s.
It’s amazing what a little food on a tense moment can do. Within fifteen minutes, I had shared my deepest spiritual thoughts that were tucked away over the last few weeks with Pastor JT while munchin’ on a Jr. Roast Beef and curly fries. And for the next hour and a half we sat, talked, drove, talked, filled up the car, talked, drove around the state capital, and reconnected all over again.
It was a great night together, and one we needed for awhile now. Next time I feel tension rise between the hubs, I think I’ll hold up the hand of silence and say, “Honey, before we go any further…I’m thinkin’ Arby’s.”
After twenty-five years of marriage I have to agree! We are not yellers either but I can pack a lotta words into one powerful hhhhrumph, lol!
I’m a yeller, not proud, but I am….still if we both have eaten it ususally doesn’t escalate. We do have a rule at our house, NO ONE gets in trouble at the dinner table because usually after we’ve eaten, cooled down, thought it through it’s not so bad. I can get my thoughts out without silently wanting the whole conversation to just be over so I can go eat my spaghetti/meatball, salad, garlic bread and sweet tea….maybe a little choc. cake for dessert
I SO can do the staring at the window thing. But, I think it has started losing its effect. Kris and I have moments – dates – where we have to reconnect. The key is just to keep on reconnectin’. Amen? Amen.
…I’m a yeller when I’m not clammed up.
(Good grief, I’m all things bad [sheesh] What’s wrong with me?)
Food can help. Sleep helps too (if I’ve had enough).
Very cute conclusion to a very real issue. There’s probably a lesson there too: Humor can be a very good thing when properly timed.
Thanks for the encouragement and the reminder that we all must keep working at connecting. I’m glad I’m not the only one [smile].
~Luke
Thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning…what a sweet story.
A lack of food in the belly can be reason enough to start some tense moments at our house. I can get pretty cranky when I’m hungry and Linz has learned that if she will feed me then I am usually all good.
Jason
I think thats a great idea.
That’s a great idea! Sometimes the emotions get high because we are hungry. Well, its actually one of the reasons. But I found out that eating together could reduce the high emotions and could add the joy. Oh food, you really make me fat. Lol. But it is okay to discuss something with your stomach filled, not full, but filled.
Anyway, thank you for sharing, Natalie, you’ve blessed me so much with your story.
Have a great day!
Thanks for being so transparent! It makes me feel so normal!! The other day a friend told Matt and I that he could count on one hand the number of times he and his wife faught. I thought “What? You mean today?” No, he meant ever. Good to hear we aren’t the only ones who have to work at reconnecting sometimes.
Angie
I SO love Arby’s!!! But seriously, your post today is convicting to me. This is the second time today that has happened to me. Thank you for sharing Natalie.
smooches,
Larie
Heeehee, I can completely relate. A lot of time when I’m really frazzled about something and not able to communicate well I really just need something to eat. Brandy was the first person to bring this to my attention. A full belly really helps me to focus a lot better on what’s really going on inside me besides just my growling belly.
I too have been on one too many “quiet” car rides. My hubby and I are silent fighters. It is so true about the reconnecting…there may not be any problem, but going on auto pilot cannot last forever. It just doesn’t work as well. I’m not so sure about the hunger thing, but when I lack sleep, I am not an easy person to deal with. I would say getting enough sleep might be just as essential as feeding the stomach. By the way, I remember being on one of your’s and JT’s first dates….crazy huh?
“I’m thinkin’ Arbys”… you’re so cute Natalie!
The comment I made on the prayer nook post really goes with the hiccup night.
Sticky wicket
Mom
I so identify with this post! We have been married 31 years on the 18th!! We don’t yell either but those tense talks must happen sometimes to clear the air. The more often you do it, the LESS TENSE it has to be.