Beauty Doesn’t Come Naturally, or Cheap

When you have a baby and their sweet little teeth start coming in it’s cute. However, when you see those baby teeth start to fall out, you being to watch that mouth a bit more closely. I’ve watched my girls mouths sorta with the same facial expression you give when you’re trying to pull a splinter out of your foot. You know, kind of squinty eyed and unsure what will happen next. Certainly pain will be involved, but you’re just not sure how much.

When I was a wee lassy, I too had baby teeth fall out and the big ones grew in…BUT mine grew in, shall we say, WONKY! Poor girl, you’da thought she could open a can of whoop booty with those teeth and use it on anyone who made fun of her, but alas, I was too shy and timid to make a fuss.

See there. To your left. THOSE teeth…

Thankfully my parents saw my dilemma (and my sisters, bless her heart) and slapped braces on all three of us (brother needed them too).

Mercy, did I need braces. Still, again at a young age you’re not thinking, “Hm, wonder if my kids will have wonky teeth.” Nope, never crossed my mine until my precious babies started losing their teeth and sho enough my genes had made yet another mark on a unsuspecting face.

Boog, she doesn’t have it so bad, but Goose, well, she’s a different story. So much so that when I asked the Orthodontist how many years were were looking at, say 2 or 3, he merely smiled, and politely said, “Um more like, we’ll be done when she’s 15.”

“S’cues me!?”

I know I can’t help the way my precious Goose’s teeth came in her head, but for some reason I still feel like a bad mom. I mean, good grief, she got my teeth, MY teeth. Why didn’t she get Pastor JT’s teeth. HIS came in straight, but NOOOOO, she had to go get the gene that causes all sorts of problems that need strange appliances (as they now call them) and what not.

Thankfully, I believe they have done away with headgear. Oh my granny, did any of y’all endure headgear! Good night, there I was standing at my mirror. I’d insert this metal thing, wrap the strap around my head and HOOK. IT. to the metal thing.

Next to enduring ferocious gas that came out of my mouth in the morning was the wincing through pain of pulling that “appliance” out of my mouth. Call it appliance, I called it muurrrdeeerrrr.

Anyway, Goose went in yesterday to start her “records,” which is a nice way of saying, “We’ve GOT to get this girls teeth cast in molds NOW so we can talk quickly about what we’re going to do to save. her. life!”

If it could have happened to either of my girls, I’m glad it was Goose. That girl makes a party out of anything. After getting her teeth casts, she said, “Oh man! That was fun! I don’t want to leave!”

Oh honey, (I thought but didn’t say out loud) you’ll get plenty of time in that office and plenty of time for you say, “There is no way in @&#^ I’m going back in there mom!” And, sweetheart, let me apologize now for what is to come.

No, I said to her out loud…”Oh sweetie, I’m so glad you liked it.” Look out window and bite lip.

I’m not trying to be dishonest, I’m thinking I’d rather set her up for VICTORY than be all, “Oh baby, you have know idea what’s a comin’! I might, no, will hurt sometimes and well, you get food caught in there an awful lot. But hey, you’ll be glad we did this.”

Good thing I’ve been through this, even if it was 20 years ago and we had headgear and braces as opposed to “appliances.”

Bless her pea-pickin’ heart. But hey, she’ll have straight teeth and all for the low, low price of an arm and a leg!