Being Real, Humor

It’s The Things We Say

Sometimes I say dumb things. I pride myself in being moderately smart, but then, there are times I can say some dumb things.

When I was in highschool I called LensCrafters and asked them who their obstetrician was. Now that I think about it, I’m  really upset that person didn’t take the opportunity to run with that!

“Thank you for calling LensCrafters, this is Mark, how may I help you?
“Um, yes, hello. Can you tell me who your obstetrician is?”

“Well, yes, but I need to know the start date of your last cycle.”
“What kind of tom-foolery….!”

I mean, come on! If that wasn’t the perfect set up then I don’t know what is?

Or, how about when I drove up next to the sweet lady who stands on the corner and sells the local paper for the homeless of our city. I rolled down my window and we greeted and started some small talk before I had to pull out into traffic. My precious Phoebe was in the back seat and my new friend says, “Oh isn’t she pretty! And I bet she isn’t spoiled at all!”

Oh, I laughed a hearty laugh and agreed by saying these brilliant words, “Oh she is! To the teeth!”

Now, first of all, I have no idea what that means or if it means anything, but my brain did this to me, turned against me at a crucial moment of good times with a stranger I see like, every day. You see, my dear new friend who works that corner almost every day has about as many teeth in her head as a six month old, and, well, they really could use some attention.

Now, go back and read what I laughingly said to her as I simultaneously wanted to crawl under my steering wheel as the words were flying out of my mouth. Go ahead… I’ll wait.




What is wrong with me!? “To the teeth?” What does that even mean?!

  • I once was speaking to a ladies group and said that the stuff I knew in the Bible I had been reading since I was three years old. Ummm, what? Wow. Smart girl.


  • Same teaching experience I was on a rant about the majesty of God and how it’s so mysterious and diabolical. Yes, I said God was diabolical.

Clearly we all can say pretty dumb things. Things have been said to us and we have said things. Usually those things are accidents, just passing things that fly out of our mouths and we want to crawl under a rock!

  • How about the time when my daughter Paige was just about four years old and is talking to an elderly man with very bad eyesight…and it’s obvious he can’t see a foot in front of him. She says with her lisp,

“Whas wong wis your eyes?”

*mom looks for rock*

  • There’s that one time my Aunt ordered Taco Bell and was handing it to her son-in-law when she said, “Here’s your Tunky Crachos.”


  • JT was talking about someone from Vietnam and called them Vietlamese. I stopped him and asked him to repeat what he said. “Vietlamese.” Thought so. “Um, honey, where is that person from?” I wait for the revelation to hit…….“Ohhhhh!”

there it is.

  • One more? Okay. It’s Christmas. One family member gives another family member a birdhouse something-or-other. Giver says, “That lady at church made it!” Recipient says, “Wait, who?” trying their darnedest to remember. Giver says excitedly, “You know, the lady with one eye!” As Giver says that they squinch up one eye and sort of make a big deal about it and follow it up with laughter deluxe. Now, this would not be a big deal if there weren’t a friend over for Christmas who…


It’s things like this, people.

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