A new post. Three months have passed. Eight before the last one. Why?
I was crazy.
Well, maybe not crazy, but I was a far cry from myself. The move to Nashville in October of 2011 was not at all what I expected. It took about two years of unfolding of my plan to realize that God is actually in control. der
Over the course of these two years, I dealt with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, hypochondria, anger, sadness, and quite frankly, I hated the trees and mountains. (Yes, mountains. When you’re from Oklahoma…they are mountains.)
It hasn’t been easy. And that surprised me. But, what surprised me more wasn’t that I missed my family and friends or that I missed thunderstorms and straight streets. It wasn’t that I missed the wind and tornado warnings, or hot summer nights with my parents.
The hardest part wasn’t letting go of my past, it was letting go of my future. I was going to live in die in that flat, spacious land. I was going to raise my kids there and they would be the fourth generation to grow up in the state I loved. I was going to stay twelve minutes from my parents and never, ever move.
I had (unknowingly) planned out my entire life. I had unknowingly forgotten that I have no control over the future.
Letting go of my future was so hard. I cried like a baby, but realized that my future is His. I realized a great freedom in letting go of my universe. A freedom from planning and manipulating and dreaming so far in advance that I would panic. The reality of the moment began to come alive, and right now, right here, it’s Nashville, TN. Full of joy, friends, hope, work, children, mountains, trees, and…….. humidity.
I’ll take it. And I’ll give Him the glory for it.
Are you somewhere you never dreamed you would be? See, that can be the problem with dreams, they can become a reality even when we never dreamed them. Weird. If our sights are set on seeing dreams come to pass more than they are set on seeing God glorified, then we will be derailed every time. We will be surprised at the turn of events we didn’t plan. We will panic and wonder and doubt. We will get angry and depressed.
Isn’t He the dream giver?
Indeed. But our eyes should be fixed on The Giver and not the Dream. He is where we find satisfaction, not in the dream. He is where we find joy, not in the dream. He is where we find hope and purpose and grace and love….not in the dream.
When life changes and the dream shifts or dies, remember, your life is not to fulfill a dream, it is to glorify God. And in that, my friend, you will find all you ever dreamed.
Oh, and I’m blogging again……. if anyone is reading this………….hello?