Being Real

How to Control Your Man

It’s something we don’t necessarily talk about much, but the truth of the matter is God has given women the ability to have some control over men.

Before smoke comes out your ears, or you’re already warming up your clapping hands, hear me out. Just look at what happened to Adam and Eve. According to Genesis 3, Adam was right there with Eve when she took the bite of the forbidden fruit.

What was it about Eve that caused Adam to blunder through the smoke screen and go with it? Did she say something to him? Did she flash that perfect smile? Why didn’t he stop her? How did she manipulate the fresh, incarnate heartbeat of God to disobey his maker?

I’m not saying she was being vindictive or hateful. No, I’m just saying she was powerful over her man. She could influence him. And, I’m not saying that Adam was a push-over either. She just had a way with her man and it caused him to sin.

Ladies, God has put in us the power of influence. What we do with it can either build a man up in Christ or tear him down. I thank my husband all the time for taking care of us financially, spiritually, emotionally and many other ways. I began doing this even before he really stepped up to the plate in some of those areas. I spoke over him a vision for what I knew he could be, and he rose to it.

  • I would thank him for working so hard at work.
  • I would thank him for being attentive to the girls.
  • I would thank him for hearing me out when I had a bad day.
  • I tell him often that I think he is such a man.

Warrior talk, if you will. I asked him what are the ways I make him feel like I man. Here’s his responses:

  • “When you build me up in front of other people and I can hear you.”
  • “When you tell me you feel safe with me.”
  • “When you compliment the way I look, you know, like a stud!”
  • “When you have my back with the girls even if you disagree with me.”

All of these have the ring of respect. Men crave respect just as we crave love. Respect your man.

If you have a struggle with this, find something that you do respect him for and tell him so. He might be a hard worker. Maybe he can balance a budget like no man’s business. Maybe he can make a small cottage out of a 2×4 and nails.

Whatever you can find to show respect, find it and say it. They live off of respect. Don’t steal it from them. Speak it into their lives. If you can’t, start praying for ways that you can. Start being deliberate about finding something you can thank him for, rather than nag him for.

Now, we all know that nagging never works. You might get what you want, but it won’t be how you want it. He’ll do it because he’s sick of hearing you nag.

Take a note from the Bible.

Proverbs 27:15-16 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.

Are you someone prone to being quarrelsome? I know that this can come from not getting your needs met either. He doesn’t meet your needs, you don’t meet his, so he doesn’t meet yours. Around and around it goes. But, we can be the one to decide to make a change. Stop the cycle.Be the one who speaks life into your husband.

Speak honor.

Speak respect.

You might just notice that your world is a lot more wonderful. Your words hold the power to drive your man into a cave or to raise your man into a Warrior. Speak wisely.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Prov. 16:24


4 thoughts on “How to Control Your Man

  1. Natalie,
    This is so good, and a VERY needed reminder for me! I don’t think of myself as prone to being quarrelsome (no, that would take way too much self-awareness!), but I definitely put more intentional effort into encouraging others (at work, with friends, at church) than I do into encouraging and speaking life into my hubs–and THAT is so off balance. Thanks for this post!

  2. Wow! And here I was sitting feeling bad for being a shrew to my husband last night. Thanks for the reminder to build up instead of tear down. God is good and He has just the word I need when I need it.

  3. I wish all women were forced to read this in school.

    This is exactly what men need and want.. It doesn’t take much to have a happy man.. No need for manipulation and head games. Just make a man feel like a man and you’ll have happy relationship

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