I’ve never had a problem with being on stage. I love the stage. I love microphones and hot lights. Oh, I’ve been nervous on a stage, like the time I played music on a big black piano all by myself. Scary. Nervous. But, put me back there to sing and man did I love it.
Soon that moved to speaking in front of people. Not very nervous about that either. Stages don’t bother me. I even love the smell of a theatre. No, not a movie theatre, I mean an acting theatre. The theatre, where dreams are acted out and music carries us beyond our senses. There is a certain kind of sound in there too. Open, wide and hollow just waiting to project the vocals of sopranos or carry the whisper of the actor.
Being in front of people is way easy for me.
It’s the behind-the-scenes that I have a hard time with. The waiting in the wings is a challenge for me. What is worse, sitting in the audience. Not singing. Not acting. Not….anything.
Life can feel that way. We can feel that we are simply a spectator of everyone else’s dreams. The hot lights shine brightly on those with thousands of Twitter followers. The curtain opens wide for those with dramatic Instragram pictures. The audiences rise to their feet with the number of “likes” on a Facebook page.
We feel that no one is watching our scene.
It can feel very real. To compare that which we feel is the abundant life in others with what seems to be the boring life in us, is a very painful, a trap.
And I fall for it all the time.
So, how do we escape the trap? How do we untangle ourselves from that which would tell us we are pointless? I would imagine we need to escape that which would tell us we are pointless.
If something is feeding your insecurity and it is within your control to shut it up, then take control. We must. I must. I don’t know what that looks life for you, but it may require a very real detachment from Twitter or Facebook, or that group of friends, or that boyfriend or girlfriend, or job, or….
For me, sometimes Twitter can simply feed the lie that I’m not important, that I’m overlooked, and not needed. This is not Twitter’s fault or the fault of anyone on Twitter.
and my enemy’s.
See, he knows my greatest fear is to be overlooked, and I’ll be danged if I don’t let what happens (or doesn’t happen) on Twitter and Facebook affect that!
So, it’s time for me to say good-bye to the many voices I let undermine my confidence. Again, it’s not the fault of those I follow, it’s my weakness that challenges my security. With that said, I un-followed more than half of the people I follow. It’s better that way. They don’t need someone who might have a bitter root of envy peering into their lives. I must remove myself from the Twitter for awhile. Well, at least until I can find all my needs and acceptance in the arms of Jesus. Until then, my immaturity gets the best of me and I am left small and overlooked. This is no way for me to live.
I pray we all find comfort on the stage God has designed for us. I must slip into the shadows, mature, confess, then stand when He’s says. Then the hot lights on me will be only for His glory and not mine.