Family, Questions

Filtering the Feelings. I Need Your Help

I don’t want you to bash your kids. That’s not what this post is about. I just need some advice. I’m trying to filter my feelings and desires and determine if they are warranted or not.

Lemme s’plain.

I love my bedroom. I love the way it feels and looks. My little escape, if you will.

Here look.

Here is my parental dilemma: my kids love to hang out in my bedroom. They love reading in there and wrestling in there and watching movies in there. All is fine.

but

somedays… I wish they wouldn’t.

I’m struggling with wanting my room to look nice and pristine all the time and taking from them some potentially great memories. I’m not saying they don’t ever get to play on our bed, but most of the time, I really don’t like walking in there and seeing my “stuff” messed up.

Now hear me, I know I can enforce the “clean-it-up-when-you-leave” but let’s be honest, they just don’t do it like I do. 🙂

Part of me says, “Ok, this is the only room I really care that they don’t mess up.”

The other part of me says, “Come on. They won’t be here forever. There might be a day you wished they were playing in your room.”

What does a mom do?

13 thoughts on “Filtering the Feelings. I Need Your Help

  1. Oh the great conundrum.

    My first thought was…it’s a good lesson for them. You value and appreciate your clean bedroom….as should they. Your hard work and daily discipline to keep your room in that condition should be noticed and respected by the kiddos too.

    There aren’t many places for a mama to go for a break. Our bedrooms are usually the only place to escape, even if for a moment. It’s important we have something that is entirely ours. It is not selfish. It is necessary.

    Don’t feel guilty about missing out on moments that can be created and fostered elsewhere. This is a great way to teach the kids boundaries.

    If they wanta come in and jump around before you clean it in the morning, say while you’re getting ready, then fine. But once you’ve put your mark on it…off limits.

    My very little .02 cents.

  2. There are days I love seeing the mess knowing that they had a blast….and there are days when I see the mess and I feel that they have done it all just to spite me 😉

    The spite days, I realize and try to readjust my attitude, but this isnt about me…ahem….

    How about a rule – if the door is closed, they have to stay out – if its open, they can WITHIN REASON play and enjoy your space. An overenthusiastic display on your bed is grounds for losing the privileged of playing in there.

    One note – I was an “absolutely NO KIDS in my room” girl. Until my littlest buried his face in my pillow and told me how much he loves my room because it smells like me….

  3. I do feel your pain on this subject. Having only one child, it’s hard to shoo her away when I want some alone time or even when her dad and I are having a conversation she’s not really invited to hear. She LOVES being in our room, and especially when she has a friend over, they gravitate to our room being that it’s bigger, they can turn on some music and dance. I do get frustrated though, when she gets mad when I ask her to leave. And clean up after herself? Geez, has that EVER happened? So I feel you, it’s one of those “battles” that I have to pick. I agree boundaries are important, especially the door closed boundaries. This gives me some good food for thought too…love you!

  4. I never played in my parents’ room. The thought never even crossed my mind. It was their realm. I wouldn’t have dared go in there unless being sent on an errand by one or the other of them.

    Under no circumstances whatsoever do I allow my children in my room.

    Except for the fact that it’s fine with my wife.

    Which means the kids are always in our room.

    I’m not sure this helps answer your question.

    Except that I don’t really think your kids will have fewer or less fun memories because there was a part of the house that you set aside for yourself. Quite the contrary, it might make them feel like they, too, can have a sanctuary in their own home, a sacred place to be respected and treasured, a place to be alone and at peace for recharging and not being bothered.

    My kids, unfortunately, will know no such thing, apparently.

    1. Jeff, you’re funny! 🙂 I know. I think the boundaries we have are good. Sometimes it’s just more about my short fuse than anything. They’re great kids and I really have to filter through what’s important to throw a fit about and what’s not. They get it and they now when I need to be alone.

  5. Natalie, honey… I don’t think there is one right answer here. You are the mommy, you make the rules. Each home is different; therefore, each family’s rules are different. You just decide, and let that be it. Maybe you will change your mind one day. THe two older girls are old enough to understand when you tell them, “I need this room to be off limits because sometimes I need to go in there and I want it to be peaceful.” Don’t they like to go to their room and shut the door sometimes to have time to themselves? Our bed is off limits to our kids, unless we invite them. That’s how it is, and that’s how it’s always been. Our kids don’t play in our room. To change that for your girls now, would just take some explaining, i think. Your room IS quite beautiful and peaceful. It makes me want to take a nap right now 😉

    Whatever you decide, is fine. Don’t feel guilty either way! love you!

  6. My kiddos LOVE coming in our room too… while there are times they come in for snuggles, or talks, or just to hang out, there are also times that I want (NEED) to be alone (and/or with Jesus) and I explain to the kiddos, “Trust me… you WANT me to spend this time with Him” (:)). And there are times that I want to spend with my hubby, to talk or… whatever. Ahem.

    However, my bed hardly ever gets made… and if my room looks like yours, girl, I would protect that! You have four (four, right?) kiddos. I’m sure it’s a challenge keeping any room picked up and nice… so to that I say keep that as your sanctuary.

    Well, I gotta run, while I was typing this, I had two different kiddos come in here twice… ha!

  7. I struggle with this as well. I don’t have any answers. I do enjoy reading to the kids in our bed. Other than that, I really don’t want them in there. It’s like our room is a magnet sucking them in. haha!

  8. Natalie

    Love your thoughts and those of your friends. Wise words and advice. Just a couple of thoughts here. We just recently did our room (1st time in 14 yrs of marriage) and had to redefine the boundaries. We also are limited on space right now while our basement is getting finished. And to complicate things more, we have another family living with us. So currently all 4 of my kids are in one bedroom and the weekends that the other family’s kids are here there are 6 in that bedroom (every other Friday and Sat nights). We have a rule that when the kids are feeling the need to have some space or “alone time” as we call it, they have to find mom or dad and ask for permission. They can then go in our bedroom and play on the floor with legos, hotwheels, barbies or sit in the rocking chair and read or watch a little TV. The bed is off limits. When their time is up, they must pick up and remove all their stuff from my bedroom floor and the room is returned to normal. This seems to be working. Just wanted to share.

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